derryere: (Default)
H ([personal profile] derryere) wrote2010-03-21 02:32 am

(no subject)

AAAAH LJ IS OUT WHY IS LJ OUT I REALLY NEED IT TO NOT BE OUT RIGHT NOW

I'm guessing it's my provider, because everyone else in this house is having trouble with the interwebs aaaand I'm still getting notifications. SO, IN OTHER WORDS, my internet has locked me out of LJ. WHERE EVERYONE IS HAVING FUN. TOGETHER. RIGHT NOW. I bet something HUGE is happening. I bet a pic of BJ making out with CM on a seedy streetcorner came out and everyone is going BATSHIT and the blogs are exploding and people are running around into walls and flailing and randomly putting on wigs AND I AM NOT GETTING ANY OF THE ACTION BECAUSE I GOT LOCKED OUT OF THE PARTY GODDAMIT

I know this is getting redundant, but holy shit, this week was HECTIC. After that last post, I went off to get my education on and have been jerked around from class to class to SLEEPING ON COUCHES to class to trying to go out and dance but failing on account of horrible music to SLEEPING ON MATTRESS (with [personal profile] zarathuse for blanket) to class to library to HOME to sleep to waking up and finding lj is out.

WHYYYYY IS LJ OUT I NEEDED IT TO NOT BE DEAD I NEEDED TO BE INVOLVED WITH THE REAL LIFE OF OTHER PEOPLE as opposed to the people at uni who I'm sure are some kind of made up fake persona in people-suits because no one can really be that uninteresting right. RIGHT.

But I'm only here to whine, really. I just found out that next week will be crazier, that there are even MORE essays and MORE portfolios and MORE 'idk-why-the-fuck-you-need-to-do-this but-I'm-a-prof-so-you'll-do-what-I-tell-you-to and-fuck-me-you'll-smile-while-doing-it' AND MORE TEARS BECAUSE I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS :(

I just wonder when things are gonna light up for a second. Just for a week, just--ugh. The longer this madness goes on, the more I think I'm totally on the wrong side of the fence. As in, lit wise. The more poetry we dissect, the more essays we have to write about whatever overrated shit novel (I mean, would it genuinely HURT them to include some temporary authors? There's just--SO much talent out there that no one within the academic world seems to even NOTICE, it's driving me INSANE), the more I think that I'm not on the right end of the equation. I read stuff and I either see what I want to be doing, or what I'd want to be doing better, or how I'd do it, or the kind of effect I'd like to inspire one day, and then I have to sit down and write about someone else's work while all I want is just stop and--be the one who's making the art, or--at least trying to, or. SOMETHING.

Aaaah I don't know. Maybe I'm just having a shit few months. I still love SOME classes, and I LOVE learning about everything I'm learning--discussing it, getting my head around how other people view things and all that elevated vaguely intellectual speak, but. It's just the amount that killing my soul here. Also the fact that I don't seem to agree with so much of what we handle. Not in a--like, 'oh I'm so contrary' way, but, just. I don't feel that anything they present us with actually reflects on the world as I know it, like--it just feels like I'm reading book after book after essay after book by people who're writing about places they think other people want to read about without actually producing a single honest thought and. UGH.

Hahaha WELCOME TO MY PITY PARTY! TONIGHT'S THEME ISSSS SELF-RIGHTEOUS RAAAANTING! Please bring a friend and any novel from the established canon to burn on the pyre! GOOD TIMES WILL BE HAD.

Aaaah fuck it all. I'm gonna get me something to drink. Then write some more porn. BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT 3 AM IS ALL ABOUT, PEOPLE.

FUCK YEAH PORN ♥

(butlj'stilldown boo :()

PS I WANT A FIC WHERE MERLIN FINDS AN UNDERGROUND MAGIC-USER CLUB IN CAMELOT. With, like, only kids his age--street urchins and milk-maids and random pages from the castle, and there's a fast-talking pipe-smoking twenty-year-old LEADER who's like this con-man person but can also make things float at will. AND SOME OF THE KIDS ACTUALLY HAVE POWERS, but some don't, and they're all trying to teach each other magic, and they're planning this revolt against the king, and it's sort of a crap plan that's NEVER going to work because no one can actually READ or write or whatever but they're all excited and they believe in their cause and everything. And when Merlin first finds them (idk how but I bet they have a super crappy hideout place, probably in the basement of the bakery, and when Merlin comes in one day after closing time to see if he could maybe get some buns b/c yes he knows it's ten at night but Arthur is throwing a tantrum and REALLY wants some buns), they panic and think he'll rat them out and decide to KILL HIM and he's like, WHOA! WHOA! LET'S NOT DO ANYTHING RASH OKAY! but ends up having to show them his magic to get them to trust him. SO OF COURSE THEY MAKE HIM A MEMBER OF THEIR CLUB AFTER THAT, even though he's awkward about it. But then he's suddenly a PART of a club, and the leader dude (uh, um, uhhh, Leonard? Leo?) is all into him and NICE and treats him like an EQUAL and they have their crazy little magic games like he makes something float and Merlin would make it explode mid-air, and so he's hanging out more and more with Leo and the club and Arthur's feeling neglected and emo and those abandonment issues resurface again and--WELL. IDK WHAT HAPPENS THEN but things come to a head and maybe Arthur gets into a fist-fight with Leo and the magic kids in the club who also want Leo's attention start to imply Merlin's not really one of them because of how chummy he is with the prince and the royal house and if he REALLY was a believer in the ~revolution~ he'd QUIT or KILL UTHER ALREADY or some shit. And then Merlin has to make a choice and Arthur has a black eye and some kids try to infiltrate the castle and magic happens and chaos and Arthur finds out (even if he can barely see anything through that swollen eye) and then there's drama. And someone almost dies. Probably one of the Magic!kids. And they have to get him fixed soon and there's blood and it's tragic and Merlin's weeping real tears of sadness and tries to keep the wound closed with his hands, which is not working, but he's not thinking straight, and then Arthur carries the boy for him to Gaius' workshop and blah blah blah CLIMAX GOES HERE! LEO AND ARTHUR AND MERLIN! All in one room! While Gaius tends to boy! They're all trying to whisper-yell and Leo tried to make Merlin understand Arthur will never understand him like he SHOULD be understood and Arthur tells Leo to shut up, he doesn't know ANYTHING about the two of them, about Merlin and him, and Merlin just doesn't understand how Leo could've let the kids do what they did while knowing they could get so badly hurt. BLAH BLAH shamelessly plagiarized lines about if-you-wanna-make-an-omelette (NO, REALLY? A FIGHT-CLUB REFERENCE? NEVER SAW THAT COMING), and how the prince does that ALL the time with taking his knights, and Merlin just going--"WHAT? They're CHILDREN! They don't KNOW what they're fighting for. They don't know HOW to fight. You just--get them hyped up on this cause and--you just let them--do these--"

And then Leo's like, "What are you saying, 'THEY'? What 'THIS CAUSE', you're ONE of us. This is YOUR cause too. You chose US. You chose to--right? I mean..."

And Merlin's quiet, and Leo's all, "Merlin? RIGHT? MERLIN? YOU CHOOSE US RIGHT?"

And this is the part where Merlin makes an inspirational speech about how they're fighting the wrong things, the wrong people, how if Leo's making him choose between them and Arthur then he doesn't really understand what's wrong with this society at all. OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, WHATEVER SOMEONE WILL MAKE IT MAKE SENSE, and then Leo gets mad and a little bit of a magic showdown happens--or almost happens, but then Leo breaks and instead of rage he's just a boy, JUST LIKE THEY ALL ARE, AND HE'S ONLY REALLY YOUNG AND ON HIS SLUMPS DOWN THE WALL AND THERE ARE MORE TEARS OF SADNESS. And then he sobs on and on about how he only wants something better. He never meant to get anyone hurt, how he just wants to make a difference, for things to change, etc etc AND THIS IS THE PART WHERE ARTHUR GETS HIS NOBLE SHIT ON AND PROMISES LEO THAT THINGS WILL CHANGE. THAT HE WILL MAKE THEM CHANGE. Maybe not soon, maybe not tomorrow, but that if they'll give him time, some room to adjust, then he GIVES HIM HIS WORD AS THE CROWN PRINCE OF CAMELOT THAT A BETTER DAWN SHALL COME.

And Merlin's like, Dude. Don't overdo it. And Leo's like, S'cool bro.

ANYWAY. THEN THERE'S THIS PART WHERE A AND M ARE ALONE AGAIN AND MERLIN IS STILL SHAKY AND laughs all nervously and notices he's still got blood on his hands and Arthur helps him wash it off, which leads to finger-tangling, to forehead touching, to wet-hands-on-each-other's-faces, to ~whispered~ exchanges like Merlin saying how that black-eye looks awful, and tracing it with his fingers WHICH SORT OF HURTS BUT OKAY and then Arthur saying, "Yeah, well. You can fix it, then, if it's so awful." And Merlin being all DHSKDJFH and "IDEK HOW TO DO HEALING MAGIC I'll mutilate your face and I am SO not taking blame for--" WHICH ARTHUR INTERRUPTS WITH, "Well don't you know of any other way to make it better, Merlin?"

WHICH IS THE LAMEST COME ON EVER BUT YOU'LL HAVE TO PARDON HIM HE HAD A ROUGH DAY. And besides, it works, doesn't it? OF COURSE IT DOES. Of course Merlin kisses his eye and then Arthur kisses the line of his jaw and they work their way toward each other and then Arthur says something RIDICULOUS, like, "Tell me I'm your only friend." And Merlin's response would be, "You are NOT my only friend!" But then Arthur gives a quiet and blushing, "You are my only friend." SO THEN MERLIN HAS NO CHOICE BUT TO FRENCH HIM FOR FOUR CONSECUTIVE HOURS. Until they get hungry. Then they eat. Then they go back to making out. Then they get tired, and have a nap, but then wake up to neck like the randy boys that they are, then kiss some more, then have fumbly sexytimes because it's what they do.

THE END. PS MAGIC BOY DOESN'T DIE. PSS LEO IS SUPER SORRY AND TELLS MAGIC BOY THAT HE IS. PSSS MAGIC BOY HAS SECRET FEELINGS FOR LEO SO HE'S A LITTLE TOO EASY IN FORGIVING. But those crazy kids end up together as well. And also spend days necking. THE ACTUAL FREAKING END.

...OKAY SO WHO'S WRITING THIS? I WILL MAKE YOU A BANNER. IT WILL BE BEAUTIFUL. I'LL EVEN BLEND IN A FIGHT-CLUB MANIP. HOW CAN YOU EVEN CONSIDER SAYING NO TO THIS I DON'T KNOW
eumelkeks: (Lebensfreude)

[personal profile] eumelkeks 2010-03-23 10:48 pm (UTC)(link)
I really, really like your brain. I want to put it in a jar. That's creepy but true.
auroraprimavera: Michelle Monaghan (Default)

[personal profile] auroraprimavera 2010-04-06 03:57 am (UTC)(link)
OMG ♥_♥

i kinda want this